I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
