she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
