I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
