If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
