Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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