No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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