if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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