There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
