i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
