well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize