Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
