You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
