Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Im part way to drunk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
