He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
