ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
