if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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