It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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