he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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