do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just had sex on a roof
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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