You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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