youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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