Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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