I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i love accidental penises.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
