You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize