Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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