Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
