he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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