I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i dont even know how to be here
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
