remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
