...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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