Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
