You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
