Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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