Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
