I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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