you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
