Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
