I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
