What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
