if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
