The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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