I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize