I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
