My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
