This girl is more easily done than said...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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