I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
