Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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