Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
