kristin has been a bad kristin
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
