she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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