i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
