And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
