there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
