Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
