Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
