Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
