Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
