Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
