i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
