I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
