Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
