we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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