we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
