So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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