Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
