The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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