jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
