You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
