just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
