He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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