I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
