Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
