No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
