it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
