Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
